It's not about who started, but about who stopped

We all face conflicts from time to time; there is nothing wrong with that in itself. Yet conflicts often make us feel bad. Especially if there have been unpleasant experiences surrounding conflicts such as arguments, resentment and humiliation. We are then touched to our souls, but is that true? In any case, don't think that confrontation is wrong. Ultimately, it is not the conflict itself that is the problem, but rather how we react and and let it come to us that is the real problem.  

An argument or conflict is a clash between people with different interests facing each other. It is especially how the other person behaves in relation to our own values that can affect us to the bone. How can you deal with it properly? Ending it is not about surrender, but about opening up. That you don't ignore other's views. Ask yourself questions; what keeps it going, what do I want to avoid, what is this conflict really about. Mutual trust has to be built first. Be that as it may: make sure the argument stops before it gets out of hand.

You think conflict is something between you and the other person, but you also do something to your environment. It's important not to let it drag on. Take the bull by the horns and get to work. Make a reconstruction of the conflict, what prompted this situation. Be aware that both parties make mistakes in a conflict. Remember that it is not about who is right, it is always about both of your happiness. Therefore, do not be too critical and demanding of yourself. 

Ruud Olijve

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